I don’t know who needs to hear this but…
Nobody is going to save you.
You have to want to save yourself.
Don’t let your successes or failures be dependent on others.
You are in control of your own life.
You can talk all the talk you want, but will you put in the effort?
If you’re waiting on someone to save you, you’ll be waiting forever.
Bet on yourself.
If not you, then who?
I used to force myself to the finish line of every week.
Weekdays were simply days I just had to do.
So life would pause.
My life resumed on the weekends.
What I found was obvious.
You can’t pause life.
Don’t waste your days waiting for the weekend.
Sprinkle in things that bring you joy every day.
What a waste it would be to only live 2 days out of the week.
Live every day.
Note to self –
You are living what you once prayed for
at this exact moment in your life.
You can get so caught up on the next thing
that you forget you’re currently living a prayer.
Stand still for a moment and take it in.
That peace you used to beg the universe for?
The desire to better your life?
The inner happiness you hoped for?
The natural gratitude for all you have?
The “hopefully one day” wish your heart dreamed of?
That day is here. It’s right now.
How beautiful it is to live an answered prayer.
I used to try to swim against the current.
In my mind, I had to at least attempt to swim past… right?
I take pride in the fact that I never give up.
That makes me strong. Resilient. A fighter.
But trying and giving my all was leading me to drown.
With each stroke, I found myself under water.
I would try to catch my breath as I mustered the courage to try yet again.
Frustration and disappointment would be an understatement.
I couldn’t comprehend why I was in the same exact position
no matter how hard I tried to swim through and weather the storm.
Each failed attempt was disheartening, but I still tried repeatedly.
My logic was this: With so much time spent,
what a shame it would be to have my efforts be for nothing.
So I continued to swim against the currents,
still baffled every single time I found myself drowning.
It took a while for me to learn from my mistakes.
Until one day, I decided to do something different – the unthinkable.
I was exhausted, hanging by a thread spiritually, and at my breaking point –
I decided to give up the fight and see where the waves take me.
My guard was still up, ready to start aggressively swimming
the moment I felt things were going south.
But I decided to trust the waves…
Maybe they were trying to tell me something this whole time.
I took a deep breath, and let the current take me wherever I had to go.
I didn’t resist or panic, but I was afraid.
Still, I decided to trust the process and surrender to what was.
The waves continued to crash down on me.
I feared that I made a huge mistake, but I resisted the urge to swim.
I started to ride the waves instead of trying to go against them.
I took each wave slowly, one by one, until I was in calmer waters.
After a while, I saw that I was being led to a beautiful place.
I found myself in the eye of the storm.
Now I understand what it means to weather a storm within myself.
Like the waves, everything comes and goes as it should.
Ride the waves instead of resisting them.
You’ll be surprised to see that you are floating.
I can feel a shift in the air.
My heart and mind are open.
I feel like a new chapter is ahead of me.
I can’t quite put my finger on it,
but I know good change is on the horizon.
It’s been a while, but I love that gut feeling –
my intuition knows blessings are approaching.
And damn do I deserve all the good things coming my way.
I wake up every day excited for the unknown and what’s to come.
May the chapters get better and better as my story continues.
Finally, a page has been turned.
I’m a true believer in divine timing.
As cliché as it sounds:
What’s for me will never pass me.
And if it passes me, it wasn’t meant to be.
What’s mine will never have to be forced.
So, what a waste of time it would be to wallow in
anger over things that were never for me to begin with.
What is meant for me, will always be mine.
Even if I miss it at a wrong turn,
fate will bring it back time and time again.
Let situations come and pass as they do.
It’s easy to get hung up on the why and try to force fate.
But everything happens for a reason.
Don’t question the divine timing.
What enters your life is meant to enter.
And what exits your life is meant to exit.
What is meant for you will always be yours.
Once upon a time, life as I knew it began to fall apart.
I tried my best to keep it together.
But what goes up, must come down –
and damn did everything come crashing down.
When everything I knew life to be fell to ruins,
I looked around and saw that I was not alone.
My tribe was there, waiting to catch me,
refusing to let me fall straight on my face.
Those I’ve known through different stages of my life gathered,
helping me clean the mess life can sometimes make.
The immense amount of love and support was overwhelmingly beautiful.
I’ll never forget the love and unity I received during my rainy days.
I think back to it now and can confidently say: I didn’t do it alone.
I am strong because the people around me lift me up.
Life never goes as planned.
But there is no way I can ever lose in life
when I have loved ones cheering me on from the sidelines.
Blessed is an understatement.
I’m so thankful for my tribe.
You know who you are.
I am responsible for filling my own cup.
That was a lesson I had to learn time and time again the hard way.
I used to question why I would feel so drained and exhausted,
not realizing that I was willingly filling the cups of others to the brim.
And in the end, I was always left without.
On the flipside, when my cup was half full,
I would expect to get that same outpour.
I would show receipts of why my cup was empty,
and though they were valid, I was unknowingly repeating the same vicious cycle.
How did I expect lasting happiness when the moment someone filled me up, I immediately filled another?
I was tired of constantly feeling depleted,
realizing that I was doing it to myself.
It’s okay to fill the cup of others, but don’t neglect your own.
You are responsible for filling and maintaining your own cup.
How can you pour into others when you are half full?
Always fill yourself up first.
In another life, you live to be 100.
We still meet at your house every other Sunday.
In another life, the pandemic never happened.
All of the family stayed in the Bay Area.
In another life, we’re watching animals with you on TV.
Your laugh and utter entertainment is still so vivid in my head.
In another life, you live to see me get married.
I look for you in the crowd, grateful you’re there to witness it all.
In another life, my kids are excited to go to “Tatay’s House.”
I watch them play with their great-grandfather who is over 100 years old.
In another life, you don’t need your walker or cane.
You’re walking around freely and being independent – just how you wanted.
In another life, we’re all together and celebrating your 100th birthday today.
But this is not another life, and instead, I put flowers on your grave.
Today, we celebrate what would have been 100.
Oh, how sweet it would’ve been to celebrate a century of Jacinto Cabillo on Earth!
But right now, I’m confident you’re somewhere in your new life.
You’re celebrating with the ones you couldn’t have celebrated with here.
Oh, how sweet that must be for them to celebrate 2 birthdays and counting with you now!
We were lucky enough to have you as long as we did in this life.
Happy 100th birthday to the man that we’ll see in the next life.
We love you, Tatay.
Who am I?
Had you asked me this 6 months ago,
I would’ve answered it very confidently.
It was a question I thought I had figured out.
And at such a young age?
It was truly my biggest flex.
I thought I knew myself to the core,
and that may have been true at the time.
It’s true that we learn more about ourselves
when our values and beliefs are tested.
I thought I had solved all of life’s questions,
but ya girl couldn’t have been more wrong.
I’ve learned that our answers to different
questions will vary throughout our lives.
So now, I’m at a crossroads once again,
trying to find the answers to all of these questions:
What makes me angry? And how do I deal with anger?
What brings me happiness? And how do I express it?
What are my passions and dreams? And how will I achieve them?
What do I really believe in? And why?
What are my deal breakers? And why are they deal breakers?
What is really important to me in this life? And do I show it?
What will I not compromise on? And why are they so important to me?
What is my purpose in life? And will I ever know?
What makes me, me? And am I happy with who I am?
But more importantly…
Who am I when I’m completely alone?
It’s the journey back to me.
A journey I knew I had to take,
but was too scared to start.
I’ve veered off track too many times,
but I’m more than ready now.
However, I don’t know where the actual destination is.
Maybe I have never been there before.
In these 28 years of life, I have trekked on.
The detours of life will always change,
but the goal will always be the same:
Who am I? The real me.
That’s a question we have to answer for the rest of our lives.
And the answer is forever changing.
The journey back to me is a little confusing,
but damn is it rewarding.
There is no end destination.
I’ve missed me. But I’m a new me.
I excited to meet this version of her.
Love Yourz Story 