Summer Gon’ Get Whatever Body I Give It

Summer gon’ get whatever body I give it.

That’s a mother fucking note to self I need to internalize.

Please listen up, if you find that this applies…

Body positive, but the inner work is never done,

I say this because I hit an all time low in 2021.

My Tatay died, the pandemic continued, Tita-Lola died too.

My heart was broken, but I still had to find a way to get through.

I have always been a foodie, so much more in 2021 and now,

I had to pick myself back up and didn’t know exactly how.

I was depressed as shit, not really in the mood,

the only thing I found comfort in was eating bomb ass food.

Yeah, I’ll admit it, there is no shame in what I said.

Eating made me happy, it was 1 of the few things I didn’t dread.

On top of losing loved ones, the pandemic bloomed fear and uncertainty.

I feared I couldn’t get out of the funk I was in, and that’s what worried me.

I found joy in food, because it reminded me of better days –

of get togethers, pre-pandemic, family events, and many other ways.

If eating is what I enjoyed, it was okay if I was using it to not be so sad,

for I know I was using it to cope, and this solution wasn’t that bad.

But I was blocking out my emotions, emotionally constipated if you will.

I was using my love of food to hopefully get that void to fill.

Body positive, that’s what I strive to be,

trying to remind myself that my appearance and weight is not what makes me me.

But I’m human, insecurities are nothing new,

not to mention that it’s pretty clear I gained more than a few.

I wish I could say that I’m 100% confident and do not give a shit,

but it’s hard when I look in the mirror and don’t like how things are starting to fit.

Summer is coming, hotter weather approaches, and I shouldn’t get upset,

for this summer is gon’ get whatever body it will get.

In the past, I would talk down on myself and try to make me feel more low,

but now I’m kinder with myself and know that I can learn from this experience to grow.

My life is happening now, I’m not waiting until I’m fully happy with what I see.

I can still appreciate my body in the now, even if it’s not where I want it to be.

Body positive, but being aware that I can do better,

I need to feel comfortable with myself and know when I need to check her.

Be kind with yourself, and you yourself will blossom,

your body is beautiful in every stage, and that’s what makes it awesome.

Currently, my body reflects how I dealt with my sorrow for some time,

I gained some weight in the making and that’s not a fuckin’ crime.

I thank my body for everything that it was, is, and everything that it will be,

for this summer gon’ get whatever body I give it, and it will just be simply me.

IDFK

They say there is beauty in the unknown,

but we just don’t realize it in the moment.

Sometimes I wish I had crystal ball,

to take a peak into the future I desperately want to see.

Is it everything I hoped it would be?

Are my efforts being made in vain,

or is it all working toward the bigger picture?

I don’t know.

I’m unsure.

I wish I knew.

I know there is beauty in the journey,

but I hate the unknown.

I hate not being in control,

But ironically, I am.

I want to be in complete control,

that is, until I hit a fork in the road.

Then I don’t know what to do.

Because I hate being wrong.

Instead, I choose to detach,

that’s one thing I always end up doing regardless.

There’s beauty in this, in the now.

I just need help to see it.

See the bigger picture, think ahead.

I need a sign to let me know

which direction to fucking go…

Until then, I just don’t fucking know….

I Voted

I voted.

I know I’m making my 7th grade teacher, Dr.Piro (RIP), proud.

I did it early through the mail just to avoid the crowd.

I turned in my ballot in the mailbox 2 weeks early and felt a sense of relief,

But if you told me my vote got stolen, not counted, or thrown out, at this point I wouldn’t be in disbelief.

I’m anxious about the next couple of days to hear the verdict and the feeling just lingers,

I’ll be damned if I find out once again that our president will be Mr. Twitter fingers.

I voted because I want to be the change I want to see,

Even if that means that part of America doesn’t agree with me.

I voted.

But I wish my vote would actually count,

The electoral college system is so fucked up and fills me with so much doubt.

Why is it that my vote “isn’t that important,” given that California will always be “blue” ?

They say that every vote counts, but in fact, that’s not necessarily true.

We’re stuck in a system where 1 vote doesn’t actually mean 1 vote,

Through this system we put a man in office who throws it in our face to gloat.

This is some fucked up shit and I feel I have to share,

People ride so hard for this dude but in reality he doesn’t even care.

Sometimes I have wild ideas like moving to a swing state to make my vote count more – so it won’t swing red,

I’m baffled that people don’t see Trump for who he is – it just doesn’t seem to get through their head.

But I voted.

Because I am a colored woman with a voice,

I’ll be damned if I sit and do nothing while this Cheeto tries to take away our choice.

Our choices with our bodies, lovers, rights, and the whole nine.

We’re 4 years deep and it’s finally about damn time.

Get this man out, give him the boot,

Meanwhile civilians are still in the streets begging, “Don’t shoot.”

It’s crazy to think that I’m still having these political conversations with certain old people – and they still are shocked,

Shocked that they can’t change my mind to believe their weirdo racist patriotic shit, got tired of it so they just got blocked.

Blocked not because I can’t see the disagreeing side,

But because what you preach is some racist bullshit that I simply won’t let slide.

Keeping my peace of mind is more important than trying to get my point across,

To ignorant, small minded, brainwashed people, who glorify the guy on the cross.

But you don’t practice what you preach about love and human decency,

But politics and religion shouldn’t even be mixed – I say that frequently.

November 2 and 3, the days that I’ve kinda dreaded,

Scared because I don’t know what direction this nation is headed.

So I voted.

Even if some people will disagree,

I am hopeful, I want change, it will come, and it starts with you and me.

It may not come fast, but I’m hoping for eventually.