Tag: healing

Note to Self: Love Yourz

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

For when you forget how far you’ve come:

You’ve upkept this blog for the last 5 and a half years to give yourself a writing outlet when the post-grad blues were hitting. You didn’t know where it would take you, or how long you’d keep it running, but you knew you had to start somewhere. You have had the privilege of telling your story, and the stories of countless others.

At times you felt conflicted about being so publicly vulnerable, for you keep to yourself, very intentional about keeping your circle small. But you went with your gut feeling and ran with it. This blog has evolved and changed with you as you went through the many stages of life. You’ve documented your grief, heartbreak, happiness, growth, the parts of you that still need healing, and everything in-between. The last 5.5 years of writing has taught you many things, and this is what you’re taking away as you start your next journey –

You are allowed to change your mind. This is your life, act like it. Nobody has to agree with your decisions, as long as it makes sense to you. People pleasing will get you nowhere. If you’re living your life with others in mind, you won’t be living for yourself. You’ll look back and think what you could’ve done differently had you chose yourself and what you wanted. So leave no stone unturned. You’ve always done things on your own time, you have to live and learn for yourself.

And if at any point you continue down a path that you realize is not what you want anymore – it’s okay to pivot. It’s okay to change directions. It’s okay to be wrong. It’s okay to start over. And you have had to click the restart button many times before. Don’t let starting over be the reason why you overstay your welcome. This is your life, you steer it in any direction you please.

No matter how fucked up life can get, your heart will remain untainted. Your biggest flex is your heart, your loyalty, the love you pour into others. You move with pure intentions, so believe me when I say – you will always win. Even when the journey gets tough and things seem to not work out in your favor, trust that you will get everything you want and deserve.

You will forever be a work in progress. Perfect doesn’t exist and growth is never linear. But you control your own narrative. You are truly 1 of 1. Own your past, present, and what is yet to come, because your journey is yours. Love yourz because you create the life you want to live. Make sure it’s what you want.

You don’t know what the next chapter will look like after you shut this down, but you know it’s time. Time to explore different creative outlets, time to pour into other things, time for change. Wore my heart on my sleeve for the past 5.5 years and allowed myself to be vulnerable and real. Thank you to everyone who has been along for the ride.

Note To Self – Love Yourz.

Note To Self: Never Linear

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

For when you feel like you’re going backwards –

It’s discouraging as fuck to feel like you had it all figured out at one point in time, only to find yourself repeating patterns that you thought you’ve outgrown. Defeated. You’re better than this though, and I know you know it. Shift the lens. Instead of seeing it as regression, take note of what still needs your attention, it’s resurfacing for a reason. Those triggers are the seeds that still need watering. You’ve worked so hard and seen so much progress, but you’re also still learning. Your efforts are not wasted. Be patient. 3 steps back can catapult you 10 feet forward.

Note to self: Healing is never linear. Learn and just keep going.

Free Fall

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

At a time in my life where I’m not resisting the fall…

Here’s to falling in love – releasing fear to make room for good things.

Cheers to falling apart – it’s revealing parts of me that still need work.

Thankful when things fall into place – I don’t need to force shit.

Content with every fall off – I keep my circle small.

Protected when things fall through – it wasn’t meant for me.

Fortunate when things fall into my lap – it was mine all along.

I’m willing to free fall into any situation – I trust myself to do so.

Make It Make Sense

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“Make it make sense,” the world told her at a young age.

So, she tried her whole life to make sure it always made sense… for other people.

She meticulously tried to justify all of it: her choices, her path, her reasoning…

Uphold the image, even if it was at her expense.

But her intuition, gut feelings, and inner knowing can not be explained.

You either get it, or you don’t.

She realized her choices didn’t have to make sense to anyone else except herself.

Every move is still calculated, but with her heart and happiness as the priority.

And to me, that will always make sense.

Lifetimes

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

I have died and been reborn a thousand times in this lifetime alone.

This version of me surely will not be the last, I’m hopeful of it.

My hands still have scars from forcibly holding onto parts of me, beliefs, and situations that I clearly outgrew.

I laugh now remembering how terrified I was of the unknown – only to find out that everything will always be in favor of my highest good.

A thousand lives, a thousand versions of me, a thousand new beginnings – how lucky.

We are always evolving, renewing, and finding different parts of ourselves that need refining.

I will never be ashamed to say that I am forever a work in progress.

No perfection. No forcing. No overstaying my welcome.

What a privilege it is to witness and grow with others through their many transformations.

Because with so many lives we live in this 1 lifetime, what a shame it would be to always remain the same…

No Accidents

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

Post 5 of 10 of LoveYourzStory’s Jhené Aiko Series. Inspired by “Limbo Limbo Limbo.”

I’m deep in my Jhené Era. She’s def the top artist I’ve been listening to on repeat for at least the last 6 months. This series will be a showcase of how her music has inspired me throughout this journey – the journey back to self✨️

I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Everything is calculated down to each second.

There’s no such thing as right place, wrong time.

Believe that some things were just never meant to happen.

I’m a firm believer that there are no accidents.

Each moment is strung together for a bigger purpose.

If everything is meant to be, there is no such thing as wasted time.

I used to mourn lost time, wasted time, too much time.

But everything is connected, there are no coincidences.

You will never be too early or too late for what’s yours.

Right place. Right time. No wasted time.

This Is Personal

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

Post 4 of 10 of LoveYourzStory’s Jhené Aiko Series. Inspired by “Lotus – Intro.”

This transformation is personal. But don’t get it twisted –

I have nothing to prove to anyone, but everything to prove to myself.

My happiness acts as the biggest apology that I owe myself.

They say good girls finish last, but I beg to differ.

Pure hearts, pure intentions, and love is still where it’s at.

I refuse to water a dead plant, so I chose to water myself instead.

A flower blooms on its own time, and now it’s my season.

She’s motivated by the woman she once was.

So yes, it’s very personal – she chose herself.

This blooming garden is for me – I’m sorry it took so long.

Free

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

Post 3 of 10 of LoveYourzStory’s Jhené Aiko Series. Inspired by “Speak.”

I’m deep in my Jhené Era. She’s def the top artist I’ve been listening to on repeat for at least the last 6 months. This series will be a showcase of how her music has inspired me throughout this journey – the journey back to self✨️

Airplane views

Learning to be unapologetically free in every sense: Mind. Body. Soul.

Free from all the expectations I once put on myself.

I am allowed to change directions whenever I please.

Free from the need to explain myself to others.

My heart and intentions are pure, I know my truth.

Free from the anxiety of what others may think of my art.

I don’t care if I’m cringe on the internet- fuck with it, or don’t.

Free from trying to fit a certain beauty standard.

Looks are only skin deep, I am truly 1 of 1.

Free from limiting beliefs that no longer serve.

That person isn’t me anymore, I will not get in the way of myself.

Free from settling for the bare minimum in all aspects of my life.

I deserve it all, and I will have it all.

How satisfying it is to be free to live, speak, and bask in my truth.

Forced Transformation

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

Post 2 of 10 of LoveYourzStory’s Jhené Aiko Series. Inspired by “Born Tired.”

I’m deep in my Jhené Era. She’s def the top artist I’ve been listening to on repeat for at least the last 6 months. This series will be a showcase of how her music has inspired me throughout this journey – the journey back to self✨️

Cherry Blossoms starting to bloom in San Francisco.

They say the universe will intervene if you remain stagnant.

But the cosmos are patient and understanding too – they always give us the free will to redeem ourselves.

Evolve or repeat – learn the lesson and grow, or repeat the same cycle in different forms until you get it right.

Avoid what needs to be done, and watch the universe pull the rug from right under you. Time’s up.

You have no business being in places, situations, and connections that don’t serve your highest good.

My Tower moments always came at the right time.

This was a forced transformation.

Thank you, universe, for giving me no choice but to get the ball rolling.

Nobody talks about how overwhelming and exhausting it is to be cracked open.

But once the light gets in, there really is no going back.

What a rewarding, yet chaotic, journey it has been so far.

I’m learning to not question what the universe has in store for me.

There are no accidents. Now, this is all by choice. I have to keep going.

I Am The Key

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

Post 1 of 10 of LoveYourzStory’s Jhené Aiko Series. Inspired by “W.A.Y.S.”

I’m deep in my Jhené Era, bitchhh!! She’s def the top artist I’ve been listening to on repeat for at least the last 6 months. This series will be a showcase of how her music has inspired me throughout this journey – the journey back to selfffff ✨️

Land’s End, San Francisco

I used to wait patiently in front of doors to open.

I didn’t mind the wait if it was a door I wanted… or thought I wanted.

But patience doesn’t last forever, for I am only human.

So, I would build up courage to cowardly knock on the door.

Silence. Access denied. So, I’d waited some more.

Patiently waiting always escalated.

From sheepishly attempting to open the door, to forcefully knocking and yelling, to shamelessly trying to trespass out of frustration.

If I want something, I give my all. I always find a way in.

But what I’ve found was this:

I can’t force myself into rooms that are not meant for me.

I should never have to force a door to open.

Closed doors are redirection, embrace it with open arms.

Sometimes the doors we want are closed for a reason.

Trust that there are always bigger and better possibilities than what we think we want.

I will always be able to walk through doors that are meant for me.

I am the key.