Tag: poem

Ooo, That’s Too Deep

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

When I feel something passionately, I got in the habit of just writing it out.

Jotting it down to understand it more later has always been the safest route.

I know what I go through is very relatable,

but whether I should share publicly is always debatable.

I have a back log of writing that is truly from the heart, but reveals too much of me.

It’s parts of my life that only close ones know, and don’t want the whole world to see.

I read back on them and think, “Damn, that’s quality ass work, but ooo, that’s too deep.”

For I respect my private nature, and for that, those posts only I will keep.

I’m a private person, and I don’t like people all up in my shit.

But I’m a writer, and I know speaking from the heart will always hit.

How ironic, I’m private but I share parts of me every week,

sharing my lowest moments have been some of my viewing’s peak.

Maybe one day, I’ll feel more comfortable to over-share.

But as of now, I feel like I wouldn’t dare.

I share what I’m comfortable with because it’s relatable and uniting.

In doing so, I need to make sure I set those boundaries in my writing.

Some things I want to write and keep just for me.

After all, not everything is meant for everyone to see.

Baby Bird

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I’m the baby bird that has always been hesitant to leave the nest.

The nest being my comfort zone.

In every situation I’ve ever faced,

I’ve stayed in my nest until I was a thousand percent sure.

Even with all the training and mental preparation,

there were times I still chose to play it safe.

I’m the baby bird that needs that security.

I’m not going to jump out of the nest hoping to fly.

I’m going to make sure that I can before I make the leap.

But in doing so…

I’m the baby bird that over stays her welcome.

I’m the baby bird that makes things more difficult for herself.

This baby bird is so over being afraid to leave the comfort of her own nest.

This not-so-baby-bird feels like a newly hatched chick,

cracking its way out of the egg and ready for whatever life has to offer.

Now this baby bird has a new mindset.

It’s a new beginning.

This baby bird has no choice but to fly –

And surprisingly, she’s eager to.

She needed things to be on her time,

and now she’s ready to explore beyond her nest.

Wish this baby bird luck, she finally decided it’s time –

Out of her comfort zone she goes, into the unknown.

I Want My Cake

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I know I can’t be the only one who wishes –

that I could have my cake and eat it too.

I want it all my way, I’m well aware.

But I don’t give myself enough time to get there.

Is there miraculously some middle ground?

Sometimes it’s not that easy, is what I’ve found.

That’s the problem with me, I’m stubborn to the core.

I’m always thinking of how I can do more.

I want to skip to the happy part faster,

but in doing so, it can be a disaster.

I want my cake and to eat it too!

I could scream that shit all day.

And in the end it’ll all work out and hopefully go my way.

I always find a way to have my cake and eat it too, I’m very precise.

But for now, if I can’t have the whole cake, can I just have a little slice?

Evolve Or Repeat

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They say those who don’t know their history are condemned to repeat it.

That is true for things outside of world history, we hate to admit it.

I saw an Instagram post that read, “Evolve or repeat.”

Not gonna lie, that hit home, and those 3 words cut deep.

Because that shit is true, I’ve experienced it first hand,

you have to learn the lesson before you can expand.

Some people are doomed to repeat the same fate

until they set their own record straight.

Evolve or repeat…

You can’t move on until it’s complete.

It’s one or the other, either do it again or make a change.

At times it can really feel like an unfair exchange.

How do you expect different results when things are being done the same?

And then to have it be an endless cycle is truly a fuckin’ shame.

Now, I know that change is definitely easier said than done.

I’ve had my fair share of scenarios where I had to look in the mirror and see what I’ve become.

So I’m not acting all high and mighty and trying to throw shade,

because I know first hand how this game is played.

You keep repeating because you have that glimmer of hope,

and then you continue and then you realize…. nope.

At what point does the cycle need to break?

Yes, don’t give up easily, but at what point is your sanity at stake?

Fuck this shit, get me out of this cycle, get me off this ride.

You’re becoming aware, and now you can say you’ve tried.

That’s the first step in what can feel like a never ending cycle –

see the pattern, and stop being so in denial.

You’ve been here before, you don’t want to repeat and dance this dance again.

In that case, you’ll be open to try something different then.

I want to evolve and learn the lesson I need to know,

for I know it is necessary for me if I really want to grow.

Peace

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Peace.

The cards say I’m seeking peace.

I was told that that’s the theme of my year.

Ironically, sometimes to reach peace,

you need to disturb it first.

Question the ordinary.

Ask the questions you sometimes don’t want answered.

Dive into parts of yourself that you’d rather avoid.

Ditch old ways that bring comfort, but also unsatisfied feelings.

Force yourself to follow through and stop disappointing yourself –

because you’re old enough to realize what you’re doing now.

Identify the healthy and unhealthy patterns.

It sounds like anything but peaceful.

It’s actually a lot of hard work.

Finding peace is meddling with the very things that you’re conflicted with.

It’s facing the things that wreck your peace head on.

Are you ready to face the truth?

Only then will you find peace.

There is a difference between true peace and just accepting your reality.

I want real peace.

Therefore, I have to wreck my peace first.

But it’s in my cards.

It’s what I want.

It’s what I will get.

Public Service Announcement

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Follow Me On Instagram: @mcabillo_ 💖

This is a public service announcement to my fucking self,

that sometimes I need to write shit out just so I can hear myself.

Yup, I don’t write just for the consistent writing clout,

but more so to arrange my thoughts and mentally sort things out.

100 percent of the time these posts are dedicated to me,

they act as reminders because I know how hard headed I can be.

I often need reminders to practice what I preach,

because I give great advice, but for myself it can seem out of reach.

I post these posts and make them public for anyone’s eyes,

because deep down I want someone to relate and maybe realize…

Bitch, you’re not alone. You are valid in what you feel.

This game of life gets messy, and I only write about what’s real.

Most of the time that means my life, and I get cautious not to over-share,

people don’t need to know my every move, and that I am completely aware.

That was what had me weary – the fact that anyone could peep.

I didn’t want to give people the scoop on my life and encourage them to creep.

Sometimes I still get in those moods of shutting this shit down,

but without this outlet I know that I would mentally drown.

This is a public service announcement to my fucking self,

to stop bottling up my feelings and putting them on the shelf.

Bitch, that M.O. gets you nowhere, you should know this by now,

and remember you will only post what you are willing to allow.

This shit is dedicated to me,

and it always will be.

But if you resonate, then this is dedicated to US –

I’ll give you the words to your emotions that you feel you can’t discuss.

What Does Love Mean To Me?

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“What does love mean to you?”

That’s a question I was asked recently.

And to my surprise, I couldn’t answer decently.

Type, type, clitter, clatter, delete, delete.

I drew a blank, but didn’t want to search up “love” and cheat.

What does love mean to me? I was completely baffled…

The fact that I was at a lost for words left me kind of rattled.

For I am a writer, and let’s be real, all I do is rant.

But when faced with describing love, suddenly I can’t?

For me, love is hard to put in a one sentence description.

There’s a reason why people say love is a type of addiction.

The first thing that comes to mind, is that love is the feeling of being secure,

the type of love where you are more than 100% sure.

The kind of love that is there, yet unspoken.

The kind of people that make you feel whole, even when you’re broken.

Feeling love is one of the best feelings there is to feel,

the kind of love where you don’t have to question if it’s real.

Love is so hard for me to describe because I feel it in different ways,

it’s more like a feeling of your heart being set ablaze.

To love and be loved is really what it boils down to.

So when you ask if I have an answer to the original question, I guess, yes I do.

Love can be a person, a place, a feeling, a certain time in your life, and more…

But to me, love is indescribable, and that’s how I know I’ve felt it many different ways before.

Love is wanting those around you to be happy,

it brings out all the feels and yes, I’m getting sappy.

What does love mean to me?

It’s all the good feelings – the butterflies in your tummy and your heart feeling full all in one.

If you were thinking of certain people while reading this, then my friend, you have won.

Crystal Ball

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Crystal ball, crystal ball…

Let me know when I’ll have it all.

Oh, how I wish I could tell

the future and more with just a spell.

Show me what my fate will be,

and reveal what’s in store for lil ol’ me.

I’m stuck and I need a sign,

let me know how everything will be just fine.

I don’t know which direction to go,

and I wish I had a crystal ball to show.

Show me everything I need to know.

Tell me everything will all be worth it,

and make me confident to work towards more shit.

I need some inspiration or motivation perhaps,

to take off the weight of these anxiety-filled shackles and straps.

All I know is I want more,

and wish I knew what was in store.

But what’s the fun in that, I guess,

if life were predictable with no mess.

Oh, crystal ball, I guess you’re not needed after all,

I need to figure out for myself when I hit those walls.

But let’s be real, wouldn’t it be nice?

To be able to see what each result caused at what price?

I guess I don’t need to know what, where, and when –

I’ll deal with it all when I get to it then.

The Power Of No

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NO.

What a simple word.

It’s straight to the point.

It firmly stands on its own as a response.

It only offends those who choose to be offended.

It’s such a straightforward and clear answer.

But the reality is, a lot of people have trouble saying it.

NO.

We’re almost taught to never say it

because it’s deemed unpolite.

But in doing so, there are no boundaries.

There is no say in what you really want

if yes becomes the expectation.

No becomes a bad thing,

even if it’s the truth.

“Wait… why?”

“What do you mean no?”

I mean, NO.

No explanation needed.

No opinions wanted.

No, don’t ask me again.

NO.

No I’m not trying to be rude when I say:

No one is entitled to your time,

to your money,

to your belongings,

to your energy,

if you don’t want them to be.

No, you’re not a bad person for saying no.

You may feel that way at first,

because you’re so used to saying yes,

when you really want to say no.

But with time you will see,

there is more power in the word than just guilt.

It’s freedom in what you really want.

It’s your choice.

It’s you putting your happiness and needs before others.

No, I don’t want this.

No, I won’t do that.

No, I won’t tolerate this.

No, it’s not cool with me if you do that.

No, I don’t want to spend my time that way.

No, I refuse to let that get to me.

No, I know better and know that’s not true.

No, I said what I said.

No, I’m sure I want this.

No, I’m not going to change my mind.

No, I don’t feel bad for saying no.

And no, that is not selfish of you.

Yes, now you’re getting the point.

No isn’t a bad word.

There is power in the no.

Christmas 2022

Marinelle Cabillo1 Comment

Christmas has always been my most favorite time of the year,

both sides of my family have always went above and beyond to spread the Christmas cheer.

No matter the circumstances, Christmas always came on time,

our family got together, we enjoyed each other’s company, and everything was just fine.

As a kid, you don’t really feel the magnitude of what it means to be present and just be there,

until the people you love get older, some are gone, and you realize the holidays can be unfair.

Last Christmas, Christmas wasn’t Christmas-ing the way it used to,

it was the first Christmas without Tatay, and it was so different than what we knew.

Oh, what a year’s time can do!

I laugh a little because it’s true.

The holidays looked completely different for me and the Cabillo family this year.

I say this because more than half of the family weren’t even here.

I never really understood what it was like to have a good chunk of the family not near.

In fact, if you know anything about me, you’ll know that’s one of my greatest fears.

This year brought a lot of changes and relocations to say the least,

but that doesn’t mean that the holiday celebrations should just cease.

Phone calls, texting, sharing pictures and videos of all our different celebrations,

it still felt like we were all together, even if we’re in different locations.

Ironically, we are closer than ever before,

the distance makes us appreciate the quality time that much more.

Tatay is no longer here to celebrate with us in person,

but I know he’s proud of the way we remained close, and I know that for certain.

In my dreams he’s still present at our family events,

and in my heart I know he’s still there and that makes me more content.

On the flip side, the Cruz family was finally almost all together at last.

This Christmas celebration was bigger than most of the parties in the recent past.

I looked around at all the new faces and new family additions,

even coming up with some new family traditions.

I thought to myself, “If only Mama and Tatay could be here to see what they created,”

I started to feel a little sad, but then I changed my perspective and retranslated…

“Look at this huge family that they left behind, one that still gathers,

togetherness is all they cared about, and that’s all that really matters.”

It’s been so long since I’ve celebrated a Christmas with them both,

but on the flip side, look at the whole family’s growth!

I guess Christmas will never always look the same,

but it’s nice to look back and see how far we all have came.

Some have passed on, some will move away, and some will remain right here,

so enjoy the moment because it’ll never be exactly the same year after year.

So Merry Christmas to those near or far,

especially to the guardian angels who watch over us where ever we are.