One year later,
It’s my anniversary.
One year later,
I’m still working at the nursery.
This same time last year, I was finishing up school for good,
I was happy and excited, feeling as I should.
It was crazy that I could finally say, “Hell yeah, I’m graduated,”
Feeling all the emotions but mostly relieved and elated.
It’s my one year anniversary, please don’t congratulate me.
Please don’t remind me I’m not where I want to be.
To this day, graduating has been the highest of my highs,
But let me tell you something, and let me know if it applies.
Nobody tells you how low you can feel when your highest high is all done,
You worked so hard to reach the finish line, but the journey has just begun.
And I know there’s a couple of you done reading about my emo post-grad shit,
But some people reached out and said they can relate, so let me ramble on a bit.
If you’re feeling like me, this poem is dedicated to you.
You’re stuck in post-grad limbo, and you don’t know what to do.
Rejection email after rejection email, you tell yourself to keep applying.
People ask how the job search is going, and you give a half ass smile and say, “I’m still trying.”
High key embarrassed to admit that I’m not used to all of this,
I’m so used to achieving my goals, not shooting and then miss.
I don’t mean to sound cocky or over confident,
It’s just so different from what I’m used to – I’m feeling mad incompetent.
How ironic is it that the girl that planned her future step by step,
Is falling apart even with the “mise en place,” in prep?
A year ago, I thought I had it all figured out.
But now I’m so lost, and I ain’t faking this for writing clout.
So many emotions that constantly run through my head,
To be real I deal with this post-grad funk by staying in my bed.
It’s so hard to prove that you have what it takes when there’s so much competition,
I fantasize about my successful career, while I struggle to find an entry-level position.
But at the same time, I’m picky and I won’t just write for anything,
Keeping my writing voice and being real still means everything.
I refuse to sell out for a high paying job that doesn’t align with my beliefs,
I know that I got to start from the bottom and that’s what adds to my grief.
A year ago, I felt on top of the world and was ready to take on this new beginning,
Now a year later, I want to remember what it feels like to be winning.
Cole told me, “things change, rearrange, and so do I,”
He said it ain’t always for the better and he ain’t lie.
But I know this is a path I must walk with patience and my head up to the sky,
I’m a firm believer that what’s mine is mine, and if it’s meant for me it won’t pass me by.
I can’t wait for the day where I can look back and say,
“Damn, look how far we’ve come, you just took it day by day.”
But for now I walk through the valley of confusion,
Planning out your future to the T is really an illusion.
I’ve forced myself to just try to go with the flow,
Because when the timing is right my heart will truly know.
So I’m at that point in my life where I don’t know what to do,
And I realized it’s okay to be a little lost and not have a single clue.
But she’s resilient, and she’ll take this day by day,
She’s a writer, she won’t give up, she got so much more to say.