Reign: The Last Gift

“This is story 7 of 10 of LoveYourzStory’s Motherhood Series. 10 mothers give us a glimpse into a small portion of their motherhood journey. I am so grateful that these 10 women gave me the opportunity to share their stories on my platform. Though they focus on different topics, each mother has gone through challenges that tested their strength, patience, and sense of self. Thank you again for sharing.” -Marinelle, LoveYourzStory

This is Reign’s story, written in her own words:

“The day I found out I was pregnant, it was shortly after my grandma passed away in January of 2018. I found out on February 4th. I wasn’t feeling like my normal self, my stomach was hurting and I was just feeling really weird. When the test results came back, I cried. I was mostly nervous to tell my mom. I was nervous to hear what everyone was going to say. 

My son’s dad was very supportive when we found out. He asked me what I wanted to do and how I felt. His exact words to me were, “I’m with whatever you want to do.” I was too scared to terminate my pregnancy, so I decided very quickly that I was going to go through with it. He was happy to find out he was going to be a dad. 

The beginning of my pregnancy was very rocky, everyone in my family was so focused on the loss of my grandma and the heartache that it left them with. I had very little support in the beginning. I was told things like I was being “selfish” and that they were “disappointed” in me. I also was told that I couldn’t be “focused on” because of the big loss we just took as a family. What they didn’t know was that this pregnancy was gonna save me. Mostly from self-destruction. 

Not until the middle of the pregnancy were things able to run smoothly with everyone excited and becoming more open minded to the thought of a new innocent life. The feeling of not having them be supportive was sickening to me. I didn’t know what I was going to do without my family being happy for me. I was very sad, and on top of the loss of my grandma, I was kicked out of my mom’s house.

 I was staying with my grandpa and aunt, and a couple days before my grandma’s funeral, my mom came by and had a conversation with me about what I was going to do moving forward and how I felt, etc. She didn’t apologize, but she expressed that when she got pregnant as a teen mom, her mom didn’t turn her back on her, so she didn’t plan on doing it to me. Over all, aside from family support, I had the most loving, patient, and caring partner by my side during all the tribulations. I was happily pregnant, I didn’t care what everyone was thinking of me. I knew what I wanted and I wasn’t going to change my mind about having my baby. 

My original due date was October 3rd. I went into early labor due to the car accident that happened on September 19th 2018. My mom, grandma, and I were just running a few errands – a normal day. All of a sudden, what I can remember was an older man merging all the way into the side of my mom’s car. He was coming from the left side of me. I was in the back seat on the passenger side and my mom veered all the way to the right to avoid impact as much as possible. 

To be honest, during pregnancy I hated the seat belt, so I didn’t have one on at the time (worst decision ever), and I had to brace myself with my feet. My first reaction was getting out of the car and making sure my grandma was ok, then to curse the guy out who hit us. An elderly woman and a pregnant woman all in the same car. I was furious, so furious I forgot about my health, in that moment adrenaline took over.

 I didn’t feel the urgent need to go to the hospital that same day. I became suddenly tired after the accident, so I went home and got in bed for the rest of the day. My mom also never wrote a police report about it because the other driver didn’t have any information on him. I didn’t have any injuries from the car accident, I just had a back spasm from bracing myself from going forward from impact. My grandma and my mom were totally fine, and my mom had to go to work after dropping us off at home. 

 After the car accident, I didn’t go to the ER immediately, like I mentioned earlier, everyone was fine and I waited a day and checked into the hospital at 10am September 20th, 2018. During that time they ran tests and monitored me and baby till around 5pm and then finally told me that I couldn’t continue with the pregnancy and the baby has to come now. I was so confused and scared. Everything being told to me, I had them repeat to me twice because I wasn’t quite comprehending nor was I even remotely ready for this just to happen. The decision making and procedure was just so quick.

I’ve always expected birth to be like… I don’t know, honestly I thought something more movie-like. It’s nothing like the movies, babies come at their own pace and they are in their own race. You don’t know what is going to happen next during pregnancy or labor no matter how ready or prepared you think you are. I gave birth 2 weeks early. I was induced twice due to the accident and no, I didn’t know anything about “inducements” prior to this. Nor was I expecting to be induced. This was an emergency induction due to the fact that I didn’t have enough amniotic fluid to continue a full term pregnancy. I was at the doctors 2 days before and everything was fine prior to.

First and foremost, I have never experienced this much pain in my whole entire life, this was the most painful thing I have ever had to endure. I honestly wish they had given me the option to undergo surgery right away instead of having to go through the inducement process. The purpose of the process was to dilate my cervix to prepare for a vaginal birth (or so they thought). The first one was too painful to endure, so they gave me a second option. That one took 3 times to attempt, the final time I was able to endure it and finally got through the hardest part.

 Overnight, we waited. On the morning of September 21st, 2018, we were just waking up and all of a sudden the heart rate dropped on the monitor. In less than 2 seconds everyone (nurses, medical assistants, doctors, specialists) come rushing through the room doors and immediately become hands on trying to figure out what is happening. All I heard was, “get on all fours!” “get on your knees and hands right now!” So, I did. As I’m in this position I start screaming to ask for information on what the hell was going on here. 

My birth wasn’t an emergency birth because of the accident,  it was because of my baby’s heart rate dropping while being induced. I was totally unprepared for this experience. They never gave me a cesarean option or made it seem like an option from the very beginning of the inducement. I never was told I was going to have a C-section until the last couple of seconds before being rolled out of my room. When everyone came to my room to figure out why his heart rate dropped, I overheard a nurse say “roll her out to the OR,” and that was as formal a warning as it was going to get in this story. 

Now that I work in healthcare, communicating everything with the patient helps them trust you. It also allows the procedure to take course in a natural flow because narration is leading. Of course, during this time it was an emergency, but I feel like I only felt doubtful or scared because I didn’t know what was going on. Nobody was communicating with me and the environment was chaotic. This part of labor was the most traumatic, the couple seconds that I didn’t know what was going to happen or what could happen.

In those fast 60 seconds, I was being rolled out to the “OR” (operating room). I asked for my child’s father to be present and they told me they would allow him to come in. They never allowed him in, assuming because of the emergency and not knowing the outcome of the emergency. I was upset (at the time) that my son’s dad couldn’t be in the delivery room with me because I needed that extra support. The nurses didn’t want to hold my hand, I was grabbing their scrubs for dear life. I was scared. It would have been nice to have him there with me but now looking back, I know that it was best he wasn’t present because anything could have happened. And instead of having them deal with possibly detaining him from acting on emotions, they were able to just focus on delivering Oriyon safely.

 I just remember being SO scared and unprepared for what was happening. None of the videos I watched on “giving birth” went like this! LOL, no more than 15 minutes passed and my baby was safely delivered and healthy. I couldn’t believe it though. I didn’t know what he was going to look like, I didn’t know that I was going to have him so quickly. I was in awe to think that this precious little baby came from inside of me. His dad was able to be the first one to hold him while I was unconscious and recovering from the procedure. I woke up in pain but was able to see and hold my baby boy, Oriyon Hasani, 4lbs 10oz for the first time. 

The most traumatizing part of my whole labor experience was being rolled into the operating room without knowledge of what could happen next. And the inducement takes second place to that. To the vaginal birth-giving mothers that may look down on C-section mothers or jokingly say that they didn’t give birth to their baby, I don’t agree. I personally don’t feel like it makes me less of a mother, But I finally understood why moms are the way they are. 

In some way, I finally understood  what my mom was talking about when she would tell me, “You’re not ready for a baby.” But honestly nobody ever is. I think she meant it in a warning way, like I wasn’t ready for the pain of giving birth but also the pain I would be willing to endure for someone else. Having money, being out of your parents’ house, being over 30, being married, that doesn’t make you any more or any less ready to have a baby. 

Being a new mom was hard for me because it was a realization of how I would be fully responsible for this little human, forever. The new thought of having created a whole entire human is still very shocking to me. Everything happened so quickly. I was in so much pain, I couldn’t begin to wrap my head around the fact that I had my baby, right here, and NOW. I began to second guess and question my ability to be the mother I wanted to be. With the reassurance of my family, friends and his dad, I was able to take it one day at a time learn to be patient and get a hang of motherhood. 

When I was still in the hospital, I was on an intense amount of drugs. I had access at the tip of my finger, with the press of a button. It was pre-covid so I was able to have visitors come to my room, and of course, people were coming in to see him. I was just so drugged out in pain. I remember what was happening but it’s so blurry as a memory. It’s as if I was watching a movie of someone else’s life. The healing process was horrid for me. At home, I was spending a lot of time alone with my newborn. At the time, I lived with my son’s dad and his family, and everyone would go to work so I was doing things for myself most of the day.

 I went through an intense chapter of PPD (Postpartum Depression), and things started to change around me very quickly. I didn’t get enough time to process, just adapt. I suppressed a lot of those emotions. Being a new mom, I was sort of just existing for the first couple of months. There was a lot going on with my new extended family, shortly after I gave birth. My son’s dad went away for a short time and I had to move back in with my mom. I didn’t have much time or space to feel every emotion that I was feeling or wanted to feel. I had to think about my son and what was best for him. My emotions were on the back burner and I wasn’t able to express or identify a lot of these emotions until a year ago. 

A lot of my healing is so recent. Oriyon is now 3 years old and I am now 25, I feel like I have just now fully healed from postpartum depression. Now, I’m working through some generational trauma at this point of parenting. I have done a lot of self-reflecting and spiritual work. And I changed my career pursuit. I don’t believe that it takes everyone this long, but I do believe that it takes real work, time, self-reflecting, and acceptance of self.

Coming out of this journey I had to learn and discover who I was all over again. Not like “What’s my favorite color?” or “What’s my regular Starbucks order?” but like allowing myself to have some ME time without feeling guilty, like buying myself some essentials without buying my son anything.

I often share how I feel like my son saved me because of the decisions I could have made. I know myself, and I know I can be impulsive, but because I had my son, I could easily establish what I should be doing. I’m constantly putting my son first. I grew out of a lot of people and bad habits once I became Oriyon’s mom. The first time I experienced death really close in my family, I had bad coping mechanisms. I was unproductive, angry, and I relied a lot on numbing myself – I didn’t really care about much.

Having a baby changed me. It was hard to transition to the mom phase, but it was happening for the better. Getting in tune with my inner being allowed me to be a stronger woman and better parent. Overtime, I learned to separate myself from a lot of things that I felt were hindering me and blinding me. I did what I needed to do to reach what I wanted to obtain. I have wanted to create sustainability for us, to love myself physically and mentally, and to become more patient as a parent. 

Over all, I came to a realization that only I was in the way of my own self and I was allowing myself to come up with excuses to be toxic, sporadic, and impulsive. It was important to be gentle with myself and having those breakdowns. The set backs were essential to my personal growth. In the end, the most rewarding feeling is the amount of  growth within relationships, bonds, and experiences. Being able to use that in all areas of life to be so full and grateful to the point of self joy feels so amazing. I am truly blessed.

The best part about being a mom is having someone who truly loves you for who you are. As a parent, we don’t realize that our kids look up to us. They look at us as if we are heroes that can make anything happen, they love us unconditionally, and they spend majority of their time with us (as moms). They don’t get to see the struggles or the tears and even if they do, they wipe our tears for us. They could be so young, and still, they know just what to do. Being a mom is so dope to me because it gives me purpose on my darkest days.

I like to think of my pregnancy as a gift from my grandma to have purpose and motivation to keep going. This second family death brought new life. There’s really no telling where I would be without my son.” -Reign

Blooming Bouquets By Caro

Pre-Covid, 21-year-old Caro had a very busy schedule. She is currently a 4th year student at Cal State East Bay pursuing a teaching career as an elementary school teacher. Caro juggles being a student, an elementary school librarian, a high school cheerleading coach, and now, being a small business owner. Her small business story, like many others, started in quarantine. This is the story of Blooming Bouquets By Caro.

What started as a quarantine hobby, quickly turned into a new found love and side business. Caro first started making “poster bouquets” as gifts for her family and friends. She played around with the poster bouquet idea in the beginning of quarantine and rolled with it. Caro’s parents were impressed with her floral creativity and encouraged her to start selling her poster board bouquets to others. She started to buy more materials and vinyl to add sticker messages at the top of the bouquets to make them more personalized. When Caro first started selling her floral arrangements, it conveniently launched around graduation season. She got flooded with orders, which was overwhelming since she just started the business. Graduation season came and went, and it was very successful for Caro’s first go. But, as quickly as the orders came, with time, it started to die down. Caro was no stranger to this feeling, for she had been in this situation before.

It turns out, the poster bouquets wasn’t Caro’s first time dipping her feet into the small business world. Blooming Bouquets By Caro was her second small business, the first was her false eyelash business that she established in 2018. When the false eyelash business started trending, it became more competitive to stand out from the other sellers. Caro started to feel burned out from the eyelash business, and suddenly she started to feel like selling eyelashes was something she needed to do, and not something she wanted to do. Caro was worried that her bouquet business would die down like her lash business did, and that made her doubt how far she could take Blooming Bouquets By Caro.

“I had mixed feelings about it dying down,” Caro said, remembering what it felt like when her lash business started to simmer down and how that experience caused doubts for her bouquet business. “I felt like I wasn’t passionate about the business anymore. It felt more like a chore than something I wanted to do. However, because it died down, I was discouraged to work on something new.”

This was also challenging since Caro had an overlap of both businesses running at the same time. Even though they were both running concurrently for about a month, Caro still felt like her time was being divided. The bouquet business was taking more of her time because she wasn’t getting as many lash orders as she used to. It got to the point where Caro sometimes forget to send out some lash orders because she was so busy with Blooming Bouquets By Caro. She knew her time and efforts were being spread thin by keeping both businesses open. She had to pick which business she was going to continue to nurture, and which one she had to drop.

After graduation season came and went, with very few bouquet orders following, Caro decided to close down Blooming Bouquets By Caro for personal reasons. At this point, her bouquet business was only up and running for a little over a month, but she had things going on in her personal life that she needed to tend to. Initially, Caro had no intentions of re-opening Blooming Bouquets By Caro when she first closed it down. But, she would be scrolling through her Twitter feed and would see amazing bouquets from people across the country, and she felt as though those kind of bouquets weren’t easily available in the Bay Area. Caro thought her poster board bouquets were pretty, but she always felt like there was something missing. Caro took a big step and invested in different materials and created a whole new look for her bouquets, and decided to re-open the business in August 2020.

“My friend once told me, ‘If you want to start a business, you must be the person to start the trend, not follow it,'” Caro said.

Caro started to advertise Blooming Bouquets By Caro‘s new revamped look on her personal Instagram. When she first started the business in June, she had made a business Instagram page for her products. When the Instagram page first started, a lot of her followers on the business page were mutuals to her personal account. She first advertised her new business on her personal account so her followers would follow and support Blooming Bouquets By Caro. But Caro’s real success came from Twitter. She had no idea that a couple of her tweets would go viral, giving her more exposure, admirers, and most importantly, business! In just one night, she gained over 1,000 followers. Her DM’s were flooded with people wanting to place orders. Even people from out of state were trying to place a flower order! Because of her tweets exploding overnight, Caro had to create a booking link to be more organized with her availability.

“I believe using the captions ‘My next customer could be on your TL,’ or ‘A simple retweet can bring my next customer,’ really allows people to realize how a couple of clicks can make a big difference when supporting a small business,” Caro explained. “Even if the person retweeting it isn’t planning on ordering, some of their mutuals might be.”

After her tweets went viral, it seemed like Blooming Bouquets By Caro boomed overnight. Because of her booked schedule, she decided it was time to discontinue her lash business because she wanted to focus on prioritizing her flower business. A “slow” week for Caro is 2 – 4 orders. But she doesn’t let those slow weeks get to her. Since the flower business was her second business, Caro was already prepared for the downs of starting a business and being your own boss. During her slow weeks, she reminded herself that it’s okay to not be busy all the time, and to look at it as an opportunity to take a breather. She does have “slow” weeks, but lately, that has not been the case. She is learning to appreciate those “breather” moments since she usually has 2 – 3 orders a day, Tuesdays – Fridays, with 1 – 2 orders on Saturdays. That usually means frequent trips to the store.

Caro finds a way to balance out being a student, upholding her new business, and shopping for her products, all the while maneuvering through a pandemic. But she doesn’t let the stress of her school semester interfere with her work. The amount of orders isn’t something she complains about. Caro is just so grateful that her small business has grown so much in such a short amount of time. Since Blooming Bouquets By Caro is based in her home, she doesn’t have enough space to hold all the items and inventory. She is constantly ordering more supplies and going to the flower wholesale stores 3 – 4 times a week. She makes individual runs for orders that are coming up within the next 2 days. She wants to make sure her clients are getting the freshest flowers possible, even if that means putting miles on her car.

With how far her business has come, Caro remembers an embarrassing moment from the earlier stages of her flower business. It was during the time where she offered mason jars with her bouquets. One of her clients had bought a bouquet to surprise his girlfriend with. Caro was eager to give the bouquet over, and while handing it to his girlfriend, the mason jar fell and spilled all over her. Luckily, the client and his girlfriend didn’t react badly, they were super nice and understanding. Caro felt horrible, but there was not much she could do but offer to fill up the mason jar with new water. It was definitely a learning experience. And a short couple of months after that incident, Blooming Bouquets By Caro was booked for her first wedding event. She couldn’t believe that a bride trusted her to make her bouquets! Caro started the business in June 2020, and closed it down a little after a month, re-opened the business with it’s new makeover at the end of August 2020, and by mid September 2020, was booked for a wedding.

“I always saw my goal to create wrapped bouquets for special occasions, however, I never expected a bride to trust me with her bouquet for her special day,” Caro said remembering how she felt when she got booked for her first wedding event. “It was definitely a shocker to me and made me feel proud of how far I’ve come in just a short amount of time. I went from making poster bouquets to actual bridal bouquets.”

Blooming Bouquets By Caro has yet to experience being open during Valentine’s Day and Mother’s Day, but Caro has a feeling those holidays will be her flower business’ busiest time of the year. Most of the time though, Caro doesn’t ask her clients what the occasion is. It’s only when her clients tell her themselves is when she knows what she’s making a flower arrangement for. People gift bouquets for many reasons, some that are not so common. Caro has even made bouquets for a couple of “girlfriend proposals.” What encouraged Caro to re-open her business and give her bouquets a makeover, was the fact that she knew flowers are always going to be something someone needs for any occasion. She believes that when her tweets went viral, some people only shared and retweeted the post to give a “hint” to their significant other.

Caro is always trying to find new ways to stay creative, especially with her business gaining so much popularity. She tries to be on the lookout for new wrapping colors, offer more add-ons, and other options for her clients to choose from to customize their bouquet orders. When she first started out, she only had butterfly decals to add-on! Caro recommends that her customers check out her highlights on Instagram before messaging, in case any of their questions could be answered there. After using the link in her bio to select a date and time pick up, her and the client go over all the details and color scheme of the bouquets. Sometimes, the client may have the option to go with the theme of the specific month. When December came, Caro was very excited to showcase her “Jolly Bouquets,” that featured her “Winter Wonderland” and ” Merry Grinchmas” bouquets! 2020 was truly just the beginning for Blooming Bouquets By Caro!

In the future, Caro does plan on applying to credential programs and getting her Master’s, and plans on her flower business to remain her very passionate side hustle. Before COVID, Caro was very busy with her school, work, and personal life. But she knows that when things get “back to normal” after COVID, and things start to open back up again, her small business will still be here. She is very adamant when she says that Blooming Bouquets By Caro isn’t going anywhere, even if that means adjusting her availability when things get back to normal. What started as a pass time and hobby during quarantine, unexpectedly turned into a new found passion and new opportunity for income.

Caro admits that if it wasn’t for COVID and the mandatory Shelter in Place, Blooming Bouquets By Caro wouldn’t even be a thing. It never crossed her mind to have a personalized flower arrangement business until she started playing around with the idea during Shelter in Place. Without the mandatory Shelter in Place and social media, her business would not be where it is today. She thanks Twitter for giving her the most audience exposure. Scrolling through Twitter and seeing amazing bouquets that weren’t local was also the push Caro needed to re-open her business. She really had no idea that 2020 would be the year she launched a very successful small business.

“Honestly, if it wasn’t for Shelter in Place, I would have never thought to start a bouquet business,” Caro explained. “This all started as making gifts for loved ones, to now being booked every week with people who trust me on making an arrangement for their special occasion.”

Blooming Bouquets By Caro has challenged Caro with her patience and her time management. Starting a second small business made her realize all the ups and downs that come with the process. But at the end of the day, she has grown very passionate about her business because she loves seeing her clients’ reactions when they receive her bouquets. Caro’s advice to others is to go through with their ideas and to not let other people or past experiences stop you from testing the waters. She was hesitant to start her flower business because her lash business died down. She was afraid that her bouquet business would fail. If she had never taken the leap of faith, she would never have gotten to experience all of the success that Blooming Bouquets By Caro currently has. She thinks it would be amazing if, with time, she is known as the “bouquet girl.”

“If something doesn’t seem to work out or you feel like your business doesn’t match you personally, it’s okay to shut that one down to open a new one,” Caro said, reflecting on her own experiences. “It’s a time to experiment and find your passion!”