Tag: new

Alternate Reality

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

I see you, you see me.

My face lights up, as does yours.

I can’t believe you’re sitting right in front of me.

I run to you with wide open arms.

We embrace, and I don’t want to let go,

for I know this moment is too good to be true.

“I missed you,” you tell me happily.

I’m still in shock, how is it that you’re right here?

I sit next to you and link onto your arm.

I start to weep, but I don’t want you to see me crying.

Somehow, even in my dreams I know this can’t be reality.

I try to hide my tear-stained face because you seem to be

completely unaware that in my reality, you have passed on.

But I cherish the moment anyways because it feels that real.

I’d like to believe that my dreams are not only signs from you,

but in some way, an alternate reality where I can still meet you from time to time.

These, damn near real, dreams and experiences remind me that

our love for you transcends lifetimes.

Thank you for visiting me.

My Garden

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

A beautiful garden takes time and dedication.

You just don’t hope for a garden to appear –

you strategically plan for what it will be.

For you are not only prepping for the flowers themselves,

but the entire environment for where they will grow.

You can’t expect a full garden to thrive

when you haven’t even considered the necessities:

space, water, light, nutrients, and temperature.

When the basic needs are nurtured and cared for,

only then can you go above and beyond the ordinary.

My garden started off empty, but what

kept me consistent was the idea of what it could be.

I knew if I kept caring for my garden,

eventually the fruits of my labor would appear.

I hand-picked the seeds I wanted to grow.

I focused in on what I needed to improve.

I started to water myself, nurturing my soul.

Now, my garden is starting to bloom in full effect.

The seeds that I have planted many seasons ago

are finally starting to blossom.

I never thought my garden would be possible…

But here I am, surrounded by so many flowers.

My garden is full and forever blossoming.

Take What Resonates

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

“I be reading your shit and crying,”

she said so honestly, I knew she wasn’t lying.

That’s one of the most humbling compliments a writer could get.

The hurt in her voice when she said that, I’ll never forget.

It was a reminder of why I share what I do.

Sometimes I forget people can relate to what I’m going through.

I’m glad that it resonated with her in ways I’ll never truly know,

when late at night and all alone are the only times her feelings will show.

I’m truly grateful for those that take the time to read,

dissecting my words and taking what they need.

Our stories and situations may not be the same,

but having you relate regardless is truly my aim.

So this goes out to the ones that cry when they read my shit,

I’ll take it as the highest form of a compliment that a certain post hit.

What’s For You

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

I’m a true believer in divine timing.

As cliché as it sounds:

What’s for me will never pass me.

And if it passes me, it wasn’t meant to be.

What’s mine will never have to be forced.

So, what a waste of time it would be to wallow in

anger over things that were never for me to begin with.

What is meant for me, will always be mine.

Even if I miss it at a wrong turn,

fate will bring it back time and time again.

Let situations come and pass as they do.

It’s easy to get hung up on the why and try to force fate.

But everything happens for a reason.

Don’t question the divine timing.

What enters your life is meant to enter.

And what exits your life is meant to exit.

What is meant for you will always be yours.

My Cup

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

I am responsible for filling my own cup.

That was a lesson I had to learn time and time again the hard way.

I used to question why I would feel so drained and exhausted,

not realizing that I was willingly filling the cups of others to the brim.

And in the end, I was always left without.

On the flipside, when my cup was half full,

I would expect to get that same outpour.

I would show receipts of why my cup was empty,

and though they were valid, I was unknowingly repeating the same vicious cycle.

How did I expect lasting happiness when the moment someone filled me up, I immediately filled another?

I was tired of constantly feeling depleted,

realizing that I was doing it to myself.

It’s okay to fill the cup of others, but don’t neglect your own.

You are responsible for filling and maintaining your own cup.

How can you pour into others when you are half full?

Always fill yourself up first.

100 In Another Life

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

In another life, you live to be 100.

We still meet at your house every other Sunday.

In another life, the pandemic never happened.

All of the family stayed in the Bay Area.

In another life, we’re watching animals with you on TV.

Your laugh and utter entertainment is still so vivid in my head.

In another life, you live to see me get married.

I look for you in the crowd, grateful you’re there to witness it all.

In another life, my kids are excited to go to “Tatay’s House.”

I watch them play with their great-grandfather who is over 100 years old.

In another life, you don’t need your walker or cane.

You’re walking around freely and being independent – just how you wanted.

In another life, we’re all together and celebrating your 100th birthday today.

But this is not another life, and instead, I put flowers on your grave.

Today, we celebrate what would have been 100.

Oh, how sweet it would’ve been to celebrate a century of Jacinto Cabillo on Earth!

But right now, I’m confident you’re somewhere in your new life.

You’re celebrating with the ones you couldn’t have celebrated with here.

Oh, how sweet that must be for them to celebrate 2 birthdays and counting with you now!

We were lucky enough to have you as long as we did in this life.

Happy 100th birthday to the man that we’ll see in the next life.

We love you, Tatay.

The Journey Back To Me

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

Who am I?

Had you asked me this 6 months ago,

I would’ve answered it very confidently.

It was a question I thought I had figured out.

And at such a young age?

It was truly my biggest flex.

I thought I knew myself to the core,

and that may have been true at the time.

It’s true that we learn more about ourselves

when our values and beliefs are tested.

I thought I had solved all of life’s questions,

but ya girl couldn’t have been more wrong.

I’ve learned that our answers to different

questions will vary throughout our lives.

So now, I’m at a crossroads once again,

trying to find the answers to all of these questions:

What makes me angry? And how do I deal with anger?

What brings me happiness? And how do I express it?

What are my passions and dreams? And how will I achieve them?

What do I really believe in? And why?

What are my deal breakers? And why are they deal breakers?

What is really important to me in this life? And do I show it?

What will I not compromise on? And why are they so important to me?

What is my purpose in life? And will I ever know?

What makes me, me? And am I happy with who I am?

But more importantly…

Who am I when I’m completely alone?

It’s the journey back to me.

A journey I knew I had to take,

but was too scared to start.

I’ve veered off track too many times,

but I’m more than ready now.

However, I don’t know where the actual destination is.

Maybe I have never been there before.

In these 28 years of life, I have trekked on.

The detours of life will always change,

but the goal will always be the same:

Who am I? The real me.

That’s a question we have to answer for the rest of our lives.

And the answer is forever changing.

The journey back to me is a little confusing,

but damn is it rewarding.

There is no end destination.

I’ve missed me. But I’m a new me.

I excited to meet this version of her.

Always Winning

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

One door closes, a thousand more open.

The end of something means the

beginning of so many other possibilities.

Regardless of any and all circumstances,

I am always winning.

I’m in competition with no one and nothing.

It is and always will be: Me vs. Me.

And either way, I am always the winner.

There will be losses and disappointments,

but I’ve learned that the universe has

a funny way of phasing out what’s not for you.

You can’t lose at your own journey.

You are always winning.

Ovals To Circles

Marinelle Cabillo2 Comments

I spent a good chunk of time

trying to turn an oval into a circle.

It was close enough, but not quite the perfect fit.

Still, I tried to force it to be a circle.

Even though deep down I knew the difference.

I tirelessly worked to get the oval

to resemble a circle the best I could.

It was like having an empty circle puzzle piece,

but I was trying to jam that oval piece in its place.

No matter what angle I turned or flipped it,

I knew it would never fit.

I had to accept that it was an oval all along.

Lesson learned: No matter how hard you try –

You can’t force things into being something they’re not.

Stop trying to turn ovals into circles.

False Mirrors

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

You claimed to be my mirror –

forced me to see who I “really am.”

You pointed out my flaws,

all of my shortcomings,

and anything that you didn’t like.

Nothing about me ever got passed you, did it?

But your mirror is fogged –

clouded by your false judgements of me.

You forced the mirror to my face,

and screamed at me to see myself the way you do.

But I don’t. I won’t. And I never will.

For I know my heart is as pure as they come.

Now I know, the mirror you were forcing onto me,

is really just a reflection of yourself.

Fuck your false mirrors.

I can see myself clearly now.