“You’ve changed.”
I know, and I’m glad.
What a shame it would be to remain the same.
To some, my growth can be seen as negative,
but I beg to differ.
The adjustments I’m making is growth.
The change you see is healing.
The difference in my mood is peace.
And I wear all of them well.
My progress is only offensive to those
who refuse to grow with me.
Now, I force nothing.
You call it a shame,
I call it an internal evolution.
You say I’ve changed,
and I say, “Thank you.”
I am a walking contradiction.
I crave adventure and new experiences,
but I’m annoyingly resistant to change.
To the public, I’m a social butterfly,
but I prefer small intimate gatherings instead.
I’m so open when I write,
but I still struggle to verbally communicate.
I encourage my loved ones to reach out if they need help,
but my pride gets in the way when it’s my turn.
I’m so ready for a fresh start,
but I mourn the life I’m leaving behind.
I’m excited for what’s to come,
but I’m scared of the unknown.
I am a walking contradiction, and it used to bother me.
But I know that two feelings can co-exist at the same time.
I may be a walking contradiction,
but I allow myself to feel both conflicting emotions openly.
I give myself grace in these realizations,
But… — There is no “but.”
I’m a walking contradiction, and that is perfectly fine.
When I feel something passionately, I got in the habit of just writing it out.
Jotting it down to understand it more later has always been the safest route.
I know what I go through is very relatable,
but whether I should share publicly is always debatable.
I have a back log of writing that is truly from the heart, but reveals too much of me.
It’s parts of my life that only close ones know, and don’t want the whole world to see.
I read back on them and think, “Damn, that’s quality ass work, but ooo, that’s too deep.”
For I respect my private nature, and for that, those posts only I will keep.
I’m a private person, and I don’t like people all up in my shit.
But I’m a writer, and I know speaking from the heart will always hit.
How ironic, I’m private but I share parts of me every week,
sharing my lowest moments have been some of my viewing’s peak.
Maybe one day, I’ll feel more comfortable to over-share.
But as of now, I feel like I wouldn’t dare.
I share what I’m comfortable with because it’s relatable and uniting.
In doing so, I need to make sure I set those boundaries in my writing.
Some things I want to write and keep just for me.
After all, not everything is meant for everyone to see.
I’m the baby bird that has always been hesitant to leave the nest.
The nest being my comfort zone.
In every situation I’ve ever faced,
I’ve stayed in my nest until I was a thousand percent sure.
Even with all the training and mental preparation,
there were times I still chose to play it safe.
I’m the baby bird that needs that security.
I’m not going to jump out of the nest hoping to fly.
I’m going to make sure that I can before I make the leap.
But in doing so…
I’m the baby bird that over stays her welcome.
I’m the baby bird that makes things more difficult for herself.
This baby bird is so over being afraid to leave the comfort of her own nest.
This not-so-baby-bird feels like a newly hatched chick,
cracking its way out of the egg and ready for whatever life has to offer.
Now this baby bird has a new mindset.
It’s a new beginning.
This baby bird has no choice but to fly –
And surprisingly, she’s eager to.
She needed things to be on her time,
and now she’s ready to explore beyond her nest.
Wish this baby bird luck, she finally decided it’s time –
Out of her comfort zone she goes, into the unknown.
They say those who don’t know their history are condemned to repeat it.
That is true for things outside of world history, we hate to admit it.
I saw an Instagram post that read, “Evolve or repeat.”
Not gonna lie, that hit home, and those 3 words cut deep.
Because that shit is true, I’ve experienced it first hand,
you have to learn the lesson before you can expand.
Some people are doomed to repeat the same fate
until they set their own record straight.
Evolve or repeat…
You can’t move on until it’s complete.
It’s one or the other, either do it again or make a change.
At times it can really feel like an unfair exchange.
How do you expect different results when things are being done the same?
And then to have it be an endless cycle is truly a fuckin’ shame.
Now, I know that change is definitely easier said than done.
I’ve had my fair share of scenarios where I had to look in the mirror and see what I’ve become.
So I’m not acting all high and mighty and trying to throw shade,
because I know first hand how this game is played.
You keep repeating because you have that glimmer of hope,
and then you continue and then you realize…. nope.
At what point does the cycle need to break?
Yes, don’t give up easily, but at what point is your sanity at stake?
Fuck this shit, get me out of this cycle, get me off this ride.
You’re becoming aware, and now you can say you’ve tried.
That’s the first step in what can feel like a never ending cycle –
see the pattern, and stop being so in denial.
You’ve been here before, you don’t want to repeat and dance this dance again.
In that case, you’ll be open to try something different then.
I want to evolve and learn the lesson I need to know,
for I know it is necessary for me if I really want to grow.
Peace.
The cards say I’m seeking peace.
I was told that that’s the theme of my year.
Ironically, sometimes to reach peace,
you need to disturb it first.
Question the ordinary.
Ask the questions you sometimes don’t want answered.
Dive into parts of yourself that you’d rather avoid.
Ditch old ways that bring comfort, but also unsatisfied feelings.
Force yourself to follow through and stop disappointing yourself –
because you’re old enough to realize what you’re doing now.
Identify the healthy and unhealthy patterns.
It sounds like anything but peaceful.
It’s actually a lot of hard work.
Finding peace is meddling with the very things that you’re conflicted with.
It’s facing the things that wreck your peace head on.
Are you ready to face the truth?
Only then will you find peace.
There is a difference between true peace and just accepting your reality.
I want real peace.
Therefore, I have to wreck my peace first.
But it’s in my cards.
It’s what I want.
It’s what I will get.
This is a public service announcement to my fucking self,
that sometimes I need to write shit out just so I can hear myself.
Yup, I don’t write just for the consistent writing clout,
but more so to arrange my thoughts and mentally sort things out.
100 percent of the time these posts are dedicated to me,
they act as reminders because I know how hard headed I can be.
I often need reminders to practice what I preach,
because I give great advice, but for myself it can seem out of reach.
I post these posts and make them public for anyone’s eyes,
because deep down I want someone to relate and maybe realize…
Bitch, you’re not alone. You are valid in what you feel.
This game of life gets messy, and I only write about what’s real.
Most of the time that means my life, and I get cautious not to over-share,
people don’t need to know my every move, and that I am completely aware.
That was what had me weary – the fact that anyone could peep.
I didn’t want to give people the scoop on my life and encourage them to creep.
Sometimes I still get in those moods of shutting this shit down,
but without this outlet I know that I would mentally drown.
This is a public service announcement to my fucking self,
to stop bottling up my feelings and putting them on the shelf.
Bitch, that M.O. gets you nowhere, you should know this by now,
and remember you will only post what you are willing to allow.
This shit is dedicated to me,
and it always will be.
But if you resonate, then this is dedicated to US –
I’ll give you the words to your emotions that you feel you can’t discuss.
“What does love mean to you?”
That’s a question I was asked recently.
And to my surprise, I couldn’t answer decently.
Type, type, clitter, clatter, delete, delete.
I drew a blank, but didn’t want to search up “love” and cheat.
What does love mean to me? I was completely baffled…
The fact that I was at a lost for words left me kind of rattled.
For I am a writer, and let’s be real, all I do is rant.
But when faced with describing love, suddenly I can’t?
For me, love is hard to put in a one sentence description.
There’s a reason why people say love is a type of addiction.
The first thing that comes to mind, is that love is the feeling of being secure,
the type of love where you are more than 100% sure.
The kind of love that is there, yet unspoken.
The kind of people that make you feel whole, even when you’re broken.
Feeling love is one of the best feelings there is to feel,
the kind of love where you don’t have to question if it’s real.
Love is so hard for me to describe because I feel it in different ways,
it’s more like a feeling of your heart being set ablaze.
To love and be loved is really what it boils down to.
So when you ask if I have an answer to the original question, I guess, yes I do.
Love can be a person, a place, a feeling, a certain time in your life, and more…
But to me, love is indescribable, and that’s how I know I’ve felt it many different ways before.
Love is wanting those around you to be happy,
it brings out all the feels and yes, I’m getting sappy.
What does love mean to me?
It’s all the good feelings – the butterflies in your tummy and your heart feeling full all in one.
If you were thinking of certain people while reading this, then my friend, you have won.
NO.
What a simple word.
It’s straight to the point.
It firmly stands on its own as a response.
It only offends those who choose to be offended.
It’s such a straightforward and clear answer.
But the reality is, a lot of people have trouble saying it.
NO.
We’re almost taught to never say it
because it’s deemed unpolite.
But in doing so, there are no boundaries.
There is no say in what you really want
if yes becomes the expectation.
No becomes a bad thing,
even if it’s the truth.
“Wait… why?”
“What do you mean no?”
I mean, NO.
No explanation needed.
No opinions wanted.
No, don’t ask me again.
NO.
No I’m not trying to be rude when I say:
No one is entitled to your time,
to your money,
to your belongings,
to your energy,
if you don’t want them to be.
No, you’re not a bad person for saying no.
You may feel that way at first,
because you’re so used to saying yes,
when you really want to say no.
But with time you will see,
there is more power in the word than just guilt.
It’s freedom in what you really want.
It’s your choice.
It’s you putting your happiness and needs before others.
No, I don’t want this.
No, I won’t do that.
No, I won’t tolerate this.
No, it’s not cool with me if you do that.
No, I don’t want to spend my time that way.
No, I refuse to let that get to me.
No, I know better and know that’s not true.
No, I said what I said.
No, I’m sure I want this.
No, I’m not going to change my mind.
No, I don’t feel bad for saying no.
And no, that is not selfish of you.
Yes, now you’re getting the point.
No isn’t a bad word.
There is power in the no.
Is cut-off culture toxic?
I cringed a little just typing that out. This is why: I personally believe that the word “toxic” has lost its meaning in the last couple of years. It’s become an automatic trigger word, and anything or anyone deemed as “toxic” is immediately canceled without question. The word itself doesn’t quite hold the same magnitude and meaning as it once did since it’s being used to describe every scenario – from something or someone actually being toxic to just using the word to describe any minor inconvenience. But, for the sake of simplicity, I beg the question once more… Is cut-off culture toxic?
To answer the question, “Is cut-off culture toxic,” I would say yes and no. There are legit times and situations where cutting someone off is necessary. The act of cutting someone off is not in itself toxic or wrong. Depending on the situation, cutting someone off can be for the better. However, the act of glorifying cutting people off to uphold a certain persona and façade is toxic. The “trending” trait is to put up a front and be proud of being unempathetic, petty, and quick to drop someone if things get hard. Social media plays a big role in that, the idea that the cheese stands alone and doesn’t need anyone’s companionship. Though that is admirable to an extent, it’s also very unrealistic. The act of cutting people off turns problematic when it’s done in such a high volume for minor issues to avoid communicating and confrontation.
There seems to be a division between people’s view on cutting people off. Removing someone from your life in an abrupt and obvious way because of an argument, misunderstanding, or history of manipulation can be very liberating. Overall, the trending advice is in support of cutting people off. But where do you draw the line? When is cutting someone off too excessive and not justifiable? There are those that are proud of their ability to throw out a relationship, whether that be family relationships, romantic relationships, or friendships. Usually when someone says they cut someone off, we tend to congratulate them – assuming that if they’re the one that did the snipping, the other party was automatically in the wrong.
Depending what algorithm you get on your socials, other people’s opinions on cut-off culture can become an echo chamber. Ironically, my Instagram algorithm literally brings up both sides of the coin. I come across posts that praise others for cutting off toxic people that were once in their circle. A lot of these posts are intended to be empowering and motivation to others to “clean up” their social circle of all the untrustworthy, draining, and “toxic” people in their lives. These posts glorify how liberating it is to remove people from your life. Though that may be true, it doesn’t give the full scope of what someone goes through if they do decide to cut someone off. Yes, it can be liberating, but that’s usually later down the road when everything that transpired has been processed. The general message circulating is that cut-off culture is a good thing, it’s what people who want to heal do. Cutting someone off is sold as a way to protect yourself.
The problem with the media’s oversimplified justification and support of cutting someone off, is that viewers start to think that the only way to achieve happiness or find peace is to dispose of a relationship that isn’t perfect. As we all know, no relationship or friendship is perfect. There will always be disagreements, small tiffs, and room for improvements on both sides. Like the old saying goes, there is growth in staying and growth in leaving, you just need to know which one to pick. And with time, the answer may change. The nonchalant support of cutting someone off doesn’t clarify on what grounds you should consider severing ties with someone and when to keep trying. But of course, it is all personal preference.
Like with most things, cutting someone off is not as simple as black and white. It’s not fair to say cutting someone off is 100% right or 100% wrong. There is always a gray area with pros and cons. When you plan to remove someone from your life, it doesn’t mean that you’re just upset with them and plan to give them the cold shoulder for some time. A real cut-off is removing someone completely out of your life. This is usually a permanent action one takes when they feel like they need to protect themselves emotionally, mentally, or physically from another. It may or may not bring closure to both parties, and it is not uncommon for one party to be totally lost and confused as to what happened. Prior to the cut off, an explanation may be made, but it isn’t mandatory. Cutting someone off is like the death of a relationship and ghosting all at the same time.
Sometimes distancing yourself and ending relationships with people that you were once close to is necessary. Cutting someone off is not always a negative thing. In certain scenarios, it is necessary for someone to move on, get closure, or put themselves first. And putting yourself first and being selfish is not always a bad thing. When you put yourself first and start listening to your wants and needs, you will learn more about what you will and will not tolerate. When you find that some people or situations don’t meet that requirement anymore through their actions and words, it is up to you to set that boundary. When someone else can’t respect that boundary, they may feel the need to cut that person off. When it’s not meant to hurt someone and it’s more so coming from a place of self-care and self-respect for yourself, you know that ending ties with someone is for personal growth.
A big part of what makes cutting someone off toxic or not is how it is dealt with after the fact. When it’s dealt with privately and the person doesn’t feel the need to justify their actions to others or on social media, it’s usually a good sign that it was for themselves. Of course, they may talk with their close circle of friends to vent, but there’s no need or want to have to explain themselves on public platforms. This is where the true healing takes place. Healing happens when you don’t feel like you have to prove anything to anybody else, when you’re content with letting people think whatever version they choose to believe.
But even if going separate ways for good is the “right” thing to do, it doesn’t always mean it’s an easy thing to do. I’m sure that plenty can relate to knowing someone or something isn’t right for them, but it pains them to let that relationship go. This is why it’s important to really weigh out your pros and cons to see if cutting someone off is necessary or not, because it’s such a drastic step. Whether it’s a family relationship, romantic relationship, or friendship, we usually think long term and never anticipate that these relationships will fall apart. So when they do, and even more so if it’s your choice to let go of the relationship, it can feel like the death of what once was. They aren’t “gone” permanently like in death, but figuratively, they no longer exist in your world, and that can be a lot to process. And even if you’re the one doing the cutting off, it sucks to admit that it still hurts to some degree to do so, regardless of how “done” or confident you are in wanting to sever ties.
A lot of people think that cut-off culture is problematic because it gives people an easy out to avoid conflict. It’s so much easier to sweep something under the rug and act like nothing happened – or even more extreme – that someone doesn’t exist after a bump in the road. Some claim that cutting people off is an action done by people with poor communication skills. Yet again, I agree an disagree with that explanation. Yes, I do believe that people use cutting others off as a way to avoid the real issues at hand. Sometimes it can be something so minute, but it can lead someone to end a relationship. There are some people that would rather ghost you and act like you never existed than see their part in an argument and admit that they’ve caused some hurt. But on the flipside, if someone feels like they have been taken advantage of to some degree, they may not feel the need to explain why. Or maybe they have tried time and time again to communicate the issue and voice their opinions, but were shut down or ignored. At that point, I wouldn’t feel the need to try to communicate. But how can you tell which scenario it is – plain immature, or someone at their wits end?
For me, one of the biggest red flags is knowing that someone has a history of cutting people off. If someone is known for claiming other people are toxic and boasts about how they cut them off, it almost always has me questioning who was really the problem. When a person uses cutting people off excessively, or as leverage to manipulate others, is when it becomes toxic. This is probably why some think that cut-off culture is toxic, because it’s being used as a tool by people that go back and flip flop on their word. You know, the kind of people that talk all that mad shit when they cut someone off, but you see them with the same individual some time later. This is not to say that you can’t change your mind on wanting someone back in your life. But it all comes down to how it’s done. If you’re always having a dramatic exit with multiple people and publicize it for everyone to see, don’t be surprised when you’re labeled as the person that cried “cut-off.” It’s just a clearer indication that people like that really don’t know what they want and have poor impulse control.
We have created a reality where it’s everyone’s word against everyone else’s. This is a dangerous game because this gives people the power to claim toxicity with any minor inconvenience. Some have fallen into a pattern where any disagreement or differing opinion from their own is considered valid grounds to cut someone off. It becomes toxic when someone is just cutting people off because they don’t want to hear the truth, a different point of view, or don’t like what they’re hearing. Most of the time, the cut off isn’t mutual, and because of this, there will always be 2 different stories, 2 different realities.
I especially find cut-off culture problematic when people feel the need to boast about how they cut someone off on social media. It’s one thing to end a relationship for your own well-being, but to bring it up time and time again in an distasteful manner is something I get second-hand embarrassment from. It’s the bragging for me, when it’s apparent to everyone else that there’s still some hurt behind the gloating. The goal in airing out the tea on social media is to get people to back you up and see your side, and to see the other person to be in the wrong or toxic. Usually when this is done, the goal is to have others cancel them or at the very least, see them in a different light. And then for the biggest cherry on top for the second-hand embarrassment sundae is when these actions are claimed to be being the bigger person, taking the higher road, and choosing not to associate with drama.
There is always a gray area in everything. It’s true that cutting someone off can be valid in some cases, but toxic in other cases. There are scenarios where cutting ties with someone is necessary, and then there are other times when it’s not. Don’t let social media fool you, it’s okay to set boundaries with others and let time tell if the relationship with blossom or end. It’s okay to not jump the gun, don’t make rash decisions because the media is telling you that you should handle a situation this way or that way. Whether some like to believe it or not, we all have toxic traits. No relationship, friendship, or family is perfect. It just depends on who you think is worth the effort and grace.
Love Yourz Story 