Tag: summer

Summer Gon’ Get Whatever Body I Give It

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

Summer gon’ get whatever body I give it.

That’s a mother fucking note to self I need to internalize.

Please listen up, if you find that this applies…

Body positive, but the inner work is never done,

I say this because I hit an all time low in 2021.

My Tatay died, the pandemic continued, Tita-Lola died too.

My heart was broken, but I still had to find a way to get through.

I have always been a foodie, so much more in 2021 and now,

I had to pick myself back up and didn’t know exactly how.

I was depressed as shit, not really in the mood,

the only thing I found comfort in was eating bomb ass food.

Yeah, I’ll admit it, there is no shame in what I said.

Eating made me happy, it was 1 of the few things I didn’t dread.

On top of losing loved ones, the pandemic bloomed fear and uncertainty.

I feared I couldn’t get out of the funk I was in, and that’s what worried me.

I found joy in food, because it reminded me of better days –

of get togethers, pre-pandemic, family events, and many other ways.

If eating is what I enjoyed, it was okay if I was using it to not be so sad,

for I know I was using it to cope, and this solution wasn’t that bad.

But I was blocking out my emotions, emotionally constipated if you will.

I was using my love of food to hopefully get that void to fill.

Body positive, that’s what I strive to be,

trying to remind myself that my appearance and weight is not what makes me me.

But I’m human, insecurities are nothing new,

not to mention that it’s pretty clear I gained more than a few.

I wish I could say that I’m 100% confident and do not give a shit,

but it’s hard when I look in the mirror and don’t like how things are starting to fit.

Summer is coming, hotter weather approaches, and I shouldn’t get upset,

for this summer is gon’ get whatever body it will get.

In the past, I would talk down on myself and try to make me feel more low,

but now I’m kinder with myself and know that I can learn from this experience to grow.

My life is happening now, I’m not waiting until I’m fully happy with what I see.

I can still appreciate my body in the now, even if it’s not where I want it to be.

Body positive, but being aware that I can do better,

I need to feel comfortable with myself and know when I need to check her.

Be kind with yourself, and you yourself will blossom,

your body is beautiful in every stage, and that’s what makes it awesome.

Currently, my body reflects how I dealt with my sorrow for some time,

I gained some weight in the making and that’s not a fuckin’ crime.

I thank my body for everything that it was, is, and everything that it will be,

for this summer gon’ get whatever body I give it, and it will just be simply me.

Portland Girls Trip!

Marinelle Cabillo2 Comments

To be honest, I didn’t plan a blog post to write this weekend, hence why I’m a day late.

My best friends and I decided months ago that we would celebrate our graduations by taking a girls trip. 3/5 of us on the trip graduated this year, so it was time to celebrate! We ended up choosing Portland. The running inside joke was the fact that we – I especially – would mistake all these Seattle landmarks and spots as Portland’s. It got to the point where we all just sat there thinking, “…wait why didn’t we just go to Seattle 😂😂😂.”

But we had so much fun! It was one of those small chill vacations that we all needed. We all weren’t trippin’ off time. We would take mid-day naps, a sign that all of us are getting old 😂. I think that’s why Portland was a great spot for us to pick. It’s pretty low-key, and all we wanted to do was eat, shop here and there, and eat some more. I’m so glad all my girls are foodies because I travel for the food. To me, the food is the main event and sight seeing are things to do until the next meal 💁🏻‍♀️.

I don’t know if Portland is known for their biscuits and gravy, but it seemed like that was on every menu. It did not disappoint! The food was so goooood! All the restaurants we went to were pretty low-key, small, and very cute.

People were really nice, to the point where we were sussed out sometimes. It really made us think, “damn, were we just raised to be not friendly” 😂. It also didn’t seem too diverse, so that’s probably why we were easily spotted as “tourists.” It really seemed like a whole new way of living. I know that sounds dramatic as hell, but it’s so different from San Francisco living.

We went out to a bar on Saturday, and I was having slow but steady anxiety attacks in my head. The whole time I just kept looking all around me, people watching and being aware of my surroundings. I kept a mental note of all the possible exits, hiding spots that I could possibly cram into, etc, if something wrong were to happen. I mean shit, with all that’s going on, it was hard not to think like that. It made me pretty sad that that’s our reality.

But what had us all fucked up was when we were at the mall. And all of a sudden an alarm went off, it sounded like a fire alarm but not totally sure. Everyone started evacuating, and the person on the speaker was telling everyone to exit. I was trying to hear what the reason was over the intercom, but I couldn’t. But we dipped out of there so fast fearing the worst. Turns out everything was find (I’m assuming) but it was still a “yooo wtf hell nooooo” moment.

Other than that, this is seriously what my heart needed. A vacation to chop it up with my girls and make stupid jokes and act a (singing) fool in a city where no one knows who the fuck you are. It’s what we all needed. Especially with those mid-day naps everyday we were there. To not have responsibilities, deadlines, worries to trip about, even for a couple of days, was a great feeling.

I love those moments where it’s night time, or we’re getting ready, and we’re just opening up and catching each other up on each others lives, future moves, career updates, troubles, etc. I be sentimental like that 🤗. I’m also really trying to milk the time I got with my girls because I know it won’t always be like this. In a couple of years, we’ll all be set in our careers, making moves, maybe even actually moving, maybe having families, and everything else that comes with adulting. So here’s to our girls trip – a success! We touched down in San Francisco and didn’t want to leave each other just yet. We had to get one last meal together before parting. Dramatic as hell, I’ll probably see them again by next week, but it really is hard for all of us to get together. Haha.

So yeah, that’s why I didn’t have a blog post up. Was too busy being in the moment with my girls and enjoying some bomb food!

I have a 2 week break from work, so I plan to be writing more so I have a few posts lined up. Since I got the time, I plan to write a post I’ve been meaning to write for years. Stay tuned! Until then, here’s some of the food we ate at Portland!

Chicken and a vegan waffle from Black Heart:

Reggie Deluxe from Pine Street Biscuits:

Apple Fritter donut from Blue Star Donuts:

Carne Asada tacos from Tight Tacos:

Screen Door – praline bacon, chicken and sweet potato waffles, cheddar grits: