Tag: growth

Note to Self: Love Yourz

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

For when you forget how far you’ve come:

You’ve upkept this blog for the last 5 and a half years to give yourself a writing outlet when the post-grad blues were hitting. You didn’t know where it would take you, or how long you’d keep it running, but you knew you had to start somewhere. You have had the privilege of telling your story, and the stories of countless others.

At times you felt conflicted about being so publicly vulnerable, for you keep to yourself, very intentional about keeping your circle small. But you went with your gut feeling and ran with it. This blog has evolved and changed with you as you went through the many stages of life. You’ve documented your grief, heartbreak, happiness, growth, the parts of you that still need healing, and everything in-between. The last 5.5 years of writing has taught you many things, and this is what you’re taking away as you start your next journey –

You are allowed to change your mind. This is your life, act like it. Nobody has to agree with your decisions, as long as it makes sense to you. People pleasing will get you nowhere. If you’re living your life with others in mind, you won’t be living for yourself. You’ll look back and think what you could’ve done differently had you chose yourself and what you wanted. So leave no stone unturned. You’ve always done things on your own time, you have to live and learn for yourself.

And if at any point you continue down a path that you realize is not what you want anymore – it’s okay to pivot. It’s okay to change directions. It’s okay to be wrong. It’s okay to start over. And you have had to click the restart button many times before. Don’t let starting over be the reason why you overstay your welcome. This is your life, you steer it in any direction you please.

No matter how fucked up life can get, your heart will remain untainted. Your biggest flex is your heart, your loyalty, the love you pour into others. You move with pure intentions, so believe me when I say – you will always win. Even when the journey gets tough and things seem to not work out in your favor, trust that you will get everything you want and deserve.

You will forever be a work in progress. Perfect doesn’t exist and growth is never linear. But you control your own narrative. You are truly 1 of 1. Own your past, present, and what is yet to come, because your journey is yours. Love yourz because you create the life you want to live. Make sure it’s what you want.

You don’t know what the next chapter will look like after you shut this down, but you know it’s time. Time to explore different creative outlets, time to pour into other things, time for change. Wore my heart on my sleeve for the past 5.5 years and allowed myself to be vulnerable and real. Thank you to everyone who has been along for the ride.

Note To Self – Love Yourz.

Note To Self: Never Linear

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

For when you feel like you’re going backwards –

It’s discouraging as fuck to feel like you had it all figured out at one point in time, only to find yourself repeating patterns that you thought you’ve outgrown. Defeated. You’re better than this though, and I know you know it. Shift the lens. Instead of seeing it as regression, take note of what still needs your attention, it’s resurfacing for a reason. Those triggers are the seeds that still need watering. You’ve worked so hard and seen so much progress, but you’re also still learning. Your efforts are not wasted. Be patient. 3 steps back can catapult you 10 feet forward.

Note to self: Healing is never linear. Learn and just keep going.

Greener

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

In my eyes, my grass will always be greener.

That may not always be true, but I’ll never really know.

You see, I only tend to my own garden.

What others are planting is none of my concern.

I water what’s mine, I weed out what’s dead, I plant more seeds.

I know that my garden will bloom when it’s supposed to –

Keeping track of others will not benefit my flowers.

When the time is right, I will handpick my bouquet –

Knowing they blossomed because I chose to focus only on mine.

What you choose to water, will grow.

My Garden

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

A beautiful garden takes time and dedication.

You just don’t hope for a garden to appear –

you strategically plan for what it will be.

For you are not only prepping for the flowers themselves,

but the entire environment for where they will grow.

You can’t expect a full garden to thrive

when you haven’t even considered the necessities:

space, water, light, nutrients, and temperature.

When the basic needs are nurtured and cared for,

only then can you go above and beyond the ordinary.

My garden started off empty, but what

kept me consistent was the idea of what it could be.

I knew if I kept caring for my garden,

eventually the fruits of my labor would appear.

I hand-picked the seeds I wanted to grow.

I focused in on what I needed to improve.

I started to water myself, nurturing my soul.

Now, my garden is starting to bloom in full effect.

The seeds that I have planted many seasons ago

are finally starting to blossom.

I never thought my garden would be possible…

But here I am, surrounded by so many flowers.

My garden is full and forever blossoming.

False Mirrors

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

You claimed to be my mirror –

forced me to see who I “really am.”

You pointed out my flaws,

all of my shortcomings,

and anything that you didn’t like.

Nothing about me ever got passed you, did it?

But your mirror is fogged –

clouded by your false judgements of me.

You forced the mirror to my face,

and screamed at me to see myself the way you do.

But I don’t. I won’t. And I never will.

For I know my heart is as pure as they come.

Now I know, the mirror you were forcing onto me,

is really just a reflection of yourself.

Fuck your false mirrors.

I can see myself clearly now.

Yes, I’ve Changed

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

“You’ve changed.”

I know, and I’m glad.

What a shame it would be to remain the same.

To some, my growth can be seen as negative,

but I beg to differ.

The adjustments I’m making is growth.

The change you see is healing.

The difference in my mood is peace.

And I wear all of them well.

My progress is only offensive to those

who refuse to grow with me.

Now, I force nothing.

You call it a shame,

I call it an internal evolution.

You say I’ve changed,

and I say, “Thank you.”

Oh, To Fall Apart!

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

Ironically, we try everything in our power to not fall apart.

We avoid the urge to crumble, and dread having to restart.

But what a liberating feeling it is to just be!

To just take life as it is and be emotionally free.

Free to fall apart if that’s what healing calls for.

Maybe it’s what the heart needs, have you ever thought of it like that before?

So much resistance to falling apart, we’re taught to just be strong.

You can keep the act up for some time, but honestly, not for long.

At one point the emotional burden will get too much to conceal,

then you’ll have no choice but to really show how you feel.

Ohhh, to fall apart and not feel shame!

I refuse to live my life playing emotional mind games.

The real shame is we live in a society that flaunts blocking what we feel –

They will crucify you if you ever show emotions that are real.

It’s actually better to let yourself fall apart when it is due.

Don’t hold back, feel what you feel, you’ll always find a way to get through.

Oh, how I’ve learned to fall apart peacefully and not resist…

The liberty to feel what I feel and just simply exist!

Baby Bird

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

I’m the baby bird that has always been hesitant to leave the nest.

The nest being my comfort zone.

In every situation I’ve ever faced,

I’ve stayed in my nest until I was a thousand percent sure.

Even with all the training and mental preparation,

there were times I still chose to play it safe.

I’m the baby bird that needs that security.

I’m not going to jump out of the nest hoping to fly.

I’m going to make sure that I can before I make the leap.

But in doing so…

I’m the baby bird that over stays her welcome.

I’m the baby bird that makes things more difficult for herself.

This baby bird is so over being afraid to leave the comfort of her own nest.

This not-so-baby-bird feels like a newly hatched chick,

cracking its way out of the egg and ready for whatever life has to offer.

Now this baby bird has a new mindset.

It’s a new beginning.

This baby bird has no choice but to fly –

And surprisingly, she’s eager to.

She needed things to be on her time,

and now she’s ready to explore beyond her nest.

Wish this baby bird luck, she finally decided it’s time –

Out of her comfort zone she goes, into the unknown.

Evolve Or Repeat

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

They say those who don’t know their history are condemned to repeat it.

That is true for things outside of world history, we hate to admit it.

I saw an Instagram post that read, “Evolve or repeat.”

Not gonna lie, that hit home, and those 3 words cut deep.

Because that shit is true, I’ve experienced it first hand,

you have to learn the lesson before you can expand.

Some people are doomed to repeat the same fate

until they set their own record straight.

Evolve or repeat…

You can’t move on until it’s complete.

It’s one or the other, either do it again or make a change.

At times it can really feel like an unfair exchange.

How do you expect different results when things are being done the same?

And then to have it be an endless cycle is truly a fuckin’ shame.

Now, I know that change is definitely easier said than done.

I’ve had my fair share of scenarios where I had to look in the mirror and see what I’ve become.

So I’m not acting all high and mighty and trying to throw shade,

because I know first hand how this game is played.

You keep repeating because you have that glimmer of hope,

and then you continue and then you realize…. nope.

At what point does the cycle need to break?

Yes, don’t give up easily, but at what point is your sanity at stake?

Fuck this shit, get me out of this cycle, get me off this ride.

You’re becoming aware, and now you can say you’ve tried.

That’s the first step in what can feel like a never ending cycle –

see the pattern, and stop being so in denial.

You’ve been here before, you don’t want to repeat and dance this dance again.

In that case, you’ll be open to try something different then.

I want to evolve and learn the lesson I need to know,

for I know it is necessary for me if I really want to grow.

The Power Of No

Marinelle CabilloLeave a comment

NO.

What a simple word.

It’s straight to the point.

It firmly stands on its own as a response.

It only offends those who choose to be offended.

It’s such a straightforward and clear answer.

But the reality is, a lot of people have trouble saying it.

NO.

We’re almost taught to never say it

because it’s deemed unpolite.

But in doing so, there are no boundaries.

There is no say in what you really want

if yes becomes the expectation.

No becomes a bad thing,

even if it’s the truth.

“Wait… why?”

“What do you mean no?”

I mean, NO.

No explanation needed.

No opinions wanted.

No, don’t ask me again.

NO.

No I’m not trying to be rude when I say:

No one is entitled to your time,

to your money,

to your belongings,

to your energy,

if you don’t want them to be.

No, you’re not a bad person for saying no.

You may feel that way at first,

because you’re so used to saying yes,

when you really want to say no.

But with time you will see,

there is more power in the word than just guilt.

It’s freedom in what you really want.

It’s your choice.

It’s you putting your happiness and needs before others.

No, I don’t want this.

No, I won’t do that.

No, I won’t tolerate this.

No, it’s not cool with me if you do that.

No, I don’t want to spend my time that way.

No, I refuse to let that get to me.

No, I know better and know that’s not true.

No, I said what I said.

No, I’m sure I want this.

No, I’m not going to change my mind.

No, I don’t feel bad for saying no.

And no, that is not selfish of you.

Yes, now you’re getting the point.

No isn’t a bad word.

There is power in the no.